I couldn't hold off any longer. On Wednesday, I must have eaten something sketchy because I spent the entire day on Thursday throwing up and sleeping. It was horrible. I don't think I have been sick like that in long long time. It was pretty intense. I am still a little exhausted from it all.
We have been growing a little discouraged with the project. I think when we came to India, we all thought that we would be doing more humanitarian work than we have done up to this point. We work doing manual labor all day for the Ananda spiritual community, basically the people who we thought would be taking us to different villages. I don't mind doing hard labor or anything like that, but I was a little thrown off because I came here to help people who are underprivileged and need my help. The people here on this commune can hire people to do the work we are doing. I don't know. I try to keep a good attitude about it, but especially lately, as I have been so sick, I have been so discouraged about the whole thing. It has been so hard to continue working hard, when I feel like I have been taken advantage of. Luckily, Rahm and Kartik, the organizers of this whole project have made some calls, and hopefully, things will be improving this next week. We'll see.
I really got home sick this week. Not having the comforts of America really got to me as I was lying sick and hot in my uncomfortable bed. That kind of suffering is all part of the experience I need to gain. It still amazes me that people live here in India. The conditions almost seem unfathomable. If I wasn't here experiencing it in person, I don't know how much I would be able to believe. You hear about extreme poverty in the world, and I think naturally, it's hard for us to create that world. If you read my blog from the beginning, I think you can see how evident that is. I can look at pictures of kids starving, people suffering, and impoverished men and women living all day long, but it has nowhere near the effect it has on seeing one child up close and personal. Even worse, knowing that no matter what I do, it is beyond my ability to help that person out given the resources that I have. There are these villagers that live next to the commune. They have 3 or so children that are always running around. So cute. While I was reading, one of the children, a little girl about 5 years old, came up to me and without any shyness at all, started looking at the book with me. I opened to show her pictures (I was reading a film book, so there were some storyboard sketches). She then takes the book and begins to read it on her own. It's impossible for me to share with you the image of the cute innocence that existed in that child. While showering later on, it occurred to me how wonderful childhood is. The vast experiences we have that are so simple, yet teach us so much.. Then, we grow up only to make life complicated and difficult. We only allow ourselves to be taught in classrooms and professional settings. We give up to the simple truths of life and human interaction that can only be gained through childlike simplicity and innocence. Further, I thought more about this girl and how badly I did not want her to grow up. I wanted her to continue living as a child and not be tainted by the world.
My writing may or may not make sense. I did not intend to write as much as I have, but I like writing when it flows from my mind to the screen.